Stalled Recovery

Ooops. I think I stalled a bit. In general I’ve been flat, unmotivated and a bit sad. Thursday and Friday were pretty good though, probably because I wasn’t working. Maybe the work I’m doing isn’t good for me. Currently I’m picking tomatoes on Monday’s, then I work for a not-for-profit delivering beyondblue’s high school curriculum to year 9 students. I am passionate about destigmatizing mental illness and I am committed to helping others in this area, but I think teaching year 9 students doesn’t energise me. I’m not sure if I’m being fussy and choosy about work….

The other problem is that the things I do to assist my recovery have ceased temporarily. Exercise, solitude, time-out, and pleasurable activities all help my recovery, but the problem with that, is for me, that means fly fishing. Now that the trout season has closed, and it’s snowing in the highlands, I just don’t get out anymore. There are a couple of waters still open, but I can’t get motivated to get out and get on the water. It looks like there’s a downside to having one’s recovery wrapped up in a singular pursuit.

I did however manage to get the energy to call a buddy who’s helping me build a rod. I received some rod blanks for Christmas and I’m going to build my own 9 footer with his help. It’s taken me all of six months to get the motivation to do it, but I guess that’s what the off season is for. Anyway, I went up to his place on Thursday and came away from that a little more re-energised, so maybe I just need to plan a few more things to do during the off season.

I’m a bit concerned about my fitness too. During the fishing season, I pedal kilometers in my Hobie kayak and do a lot of wading and walking which keeps me fairly fit. Now that the winter has set in, I can feel my belly fattening. That don’t impress me much (as Shania Twain used to sing).

Anyway, I think I’ve stalled a bit. Hopefully it’s just a holding pattern til I can get permission from the tower to continue my landing!


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