Marriage made in hell?

When depression hits, the timing is never good. I burned out for a number of reasons, but a big one was fatigue from over-work and over-commitment.

So before I burned out, I’d weakened my marriage simply by not investing much in it, and after I burned out, I had nothing left for it even if I want to invest. This turned out to be a double whammy and turned what should have been “made in heaven” to something that resembled hell.

I was irritable, angry, impatient, intolerant so almost anything was provocative to me and my wife paid the price. Unfortunately she isn’t the most secure person in the world so took it all personally and couldn’t be objective enough to see that I was in trouble. A spouse that can spot the symptoms and gently steer their spouse in the right direction toward help is truly a blessing. But I didn’t have that.

Our marriage was on the rocks. We were like pit bulls in a pit. We were either at each other’s throats, or passive-hostile. We were down to discussing logistics for a separation and divorce. There were times my wife didn’t feel safe. There were times I didn’t go home…. for days.

Burnout, depression, fatigue has a massive impact on marriage, there must be a huge casualty list. My wife is now being treated for depression after suffering years of my irritability and intolerance.

We’re now in the process of discovering who we are (psychologists call it individuation) and becoming whole by owning our own stuff and being responsible for it. That means not blaming the other for our own flaws and addressing it. I’ve learned a lot about marriage through my experience and will try and share some of the ideas that’s helped me understand what we’re trying to build here and how to make one that actually works.

We’re both growing and may even start being good friends soon…. hopefully.


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