I think I’m getting better

getting better is really slow, in fact so slow, that it’s hard to feel like i’m making any progress at all sometimes. I get a bit sick of being sick, but if I look back, I really am making progress.

I can handle our finances again – pay bills, balance accounts and stay on top of things there. that’s a biggie for me, because at my worst, I would go to the ATM, withdraw cash but never take the receipt or want to look at our balance in case it was bad.

I’m less affected by my wife’s up and downs. I’m a bit decoupled from her emotions which is great. I used to feel that if she was upset, stressed and angry, that it was my fault (and she usually blames me anyway) and I’d blow up. Now I feel more and more that her life is her responsibility not mine. My psych says I am responsible TO her not FOR her. Fine line I know but that helps.

I’ve been off antidepressants for over a month now and haven’t been particularly stressed. I’m probably still a little volatile, but not as bad as 12 months ago when I went off and became suicidal.

So all up, I think there’s a slow improvement. If you’re wondering whether you’re stuck or getting better, just trying looking back and see if there’s a difference.

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