Granola

Some churches are like Granola (or meusli if that’s what you prefer). Full of nuts and flakes.

I used to call the super spiritual, but my wife corrects me and calls them pseudo spiritual. I’ve had some crackers over the last decade.

I remember one woman calling me in the office in tears. She had been agonizing over calling me since Sunday. On Sunday she informed me she had raced out of the auditorium with her hands over her ears. She explained that the first two songs had been “anointed” but the other two songs hadn’t. She was in a lot of distress. I tactfully told her that her understanding of the anointing wasn’t quite right and she was barking up the wrong tree. That lady left after a time. I felt sorry for her. She was married to an alcoholic who was fairly abusive. On the other hand, all her adult children couldn’t stand her because she was so overbearing and … well… nuts!

Another lady wanted to wave flags around which I quickly banned for OHS reasons. I informed her that she was more than welcome to wave her flags at home and come worship with the rest of us on Sunday the way we all worship. Her eyes narrowed and she hissed “who are YOU to tell ME how i should worship in MY church?” I thought I was the pastor, but then I could have been mistaken… or she was a weirdo.

And just to finish up here, because I know you’ve met your fair share of weirdos. I had a guy who moved from interstate and he claimed to have an anointing detector. That was apparently his gifting (I think he modelled himself on old testament prophets because he was either miserable or irritated with “the people of God” most of the time). He could tell which parts of the message was anointed. He could tell who was anointed and when. And you could tell… he used to sit near the front and would really perk up when he thought something was anointed and slump, look at the ground and shake his head when it wasn’t. Fascinating stuff.

The reason I’m talking about granola is that this stuff can suck the very life out of a pastor. You can’t ignore this stuff because it’s contagious. But the it’s hard to cauterize it too without paying too much of a price. So generally we tend to chase it around a bit hoping that the fruit and nuts will come good eventually. This is all a distraction from the main game. If we’re not careful, we start to actually listen to these people and confusion sets in – because they’re always way more spiritual than the pastor (at least in their mind). One good test of granola Christians is they are never fruitful for God.

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